Wow,haven't posted since September 10th,golly I fail!

Hmmm...where to start on the happenings of my life....

Let's see:

Got set up with a total loser(Caleb) who I knew used to do drugs but then he got back into them,so I ended that real quick.

Lost my v-card,teehee,yeah,a very good friend and I had a little friends with benefits thing going on for a bit. But I ruined that all coz I fell for him and told him how I felt. Fwb just does not work. I felt like J.D. on the 'My Sex Buddy' episode of Scrubs. But like he said: "Because even if it kills you to be just friends,if you really care about the person,you'll take the hit." Ain't that the fuckin truth.

Then late one night at the begining of October while hanging with Lisa,Jewelee and Brandon, I met Dustin. He thought I was great and even ditched his friend who was a girl(also an ex) to hang out with me. I thought he was great and everything. We all crashed at Jewelee's and I slept next to him. Then two days later we started dating. I'll just tell you,he seemed like a loser from the start but stupid,silly me tries to see the best in people. And now that I think about it,he didn't have any thing great about him. He stole,got drunk all the time,partied all the time,was an ass to pretty much everyone,and we rarely had a place to sleep coz he always lived off everyone. But yeah,I tried looking past all that shit. Eventually we weren't able to hang out as much and he called me sayin we "needed to talk" the next day. So I waited around,he never called back,then the next day he wrote me on myspace sayin once he got to a phone he'd call coz we "still really needed to talk". I knew of course from the begining what he ment and now I wish so very much I would have broke up with his loser ass. But yeah,anywho he broke up with me over myspace eventually that day. He only would have cheated on me with the tart he met at some party that weekend anyway(who is married and has three kids!).

But even after all that,I wouldn't say that month and a half with him was a waste coz had I not dated him and had he not whined bout how shitty he felt and wanted to go to the hospital(where we slept in the waiting room like total bums) and then not walked to the soccer game of Lisa's cousin I would have never met Chris,who himself almost decided  not to go to the game but did anyway and was about to leave before we showed up! I'm so glad he was there and gave all of us rides to our houses and that I told Lisa I thought he was hot coz....

The same day Dustin broke up with me I went bowling David and some other people but I didn't really feel like being sociable so I just called and texted Lisa all night who was also texting Chris at the same time(she's known him all her life).Chris and I started talking through Lisa and he told her he thought I was hot that day he drove us all home but didn't say anything coz he thought I was only like 15,haha,I'm almost 19! So yeah,then we started texting each other and decided to that he,Lisa,and I should all hang out. Which we did and had a great time and hung out another time. And now we're together! It'll be 4 weeks this coming Monday. I absolutely love him,he's sweet,amazing,awesome,caring,adorable,he loves me for me,and he just makes me so gorram happy,happier than I've ever been!!!

Gah,I'm just so fucking happy!!!!!

Oh,I may be getting my tattoo finally on Friday as a birthday prezzie from Chris,total awesomeness!

The puppies have gotten so big now! I shall try to have a piccy to post on here soon of them.

Umm...let's see,baby news. Both my friends Melissa and Amanda had babies in October,my sister-in-law had a baby just about a weekish ago,and Brit just had her baby Tuesday. So many babies in the last few months!

I have yet to get a job,coz I love to procrastinate like that. I fail. I should probably try to get one sometime after the holidays. I think I'm holding off for college a bit longer. I never thought I'd actually go in the spring anyway.

Yays it's almost my birthday and Christmas! And I'm so happy that Chris is spending both with me!!!

I hope everyone is doing awesome and that you all have safe and Happy Holidays!

And since it's Christmas time again,here's a cute piccy of my old doggy Harley wearing her Christmas reindeer antlers and being goofy. I miss her so much :(




Love,
me
 

Your result for The Attachment Style Test...

The Waffler

53% Anxiety Over Abandonment and 47% Avoidance Of Intimacy

Take The Attachment Style Test at HelloQuizzy

Dear Lisa,
I don't really know how to tell you this,but I dislike you. I think I realized it when I changed tennis shoes in your apartment and I saw you sit on Manchester United's goalkeeper.

I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that santa doesn't exist.

I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your left ear as a memory.
You should also know that I will tell the authorities about your Oprah Winfrey imitations. 

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail,
Kelsey



Haha,this was greatness! I love ya Lisa! Teehee! 


Do it like this:
Dear (the person who last texted/smsed you).
I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___.

I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___.

I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory.
You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.

___12___,
-Your name-

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm inlove with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
Annat; With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit at
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs; Man
O.C.; Emotional
One Tree Hill; Open
Heroes; Frostbitten
Lost; High
House; Scarred
Simpsons; Cowardly
The news; Mongolic
Idol; Masochistic
Family Guy; Senile
Top Model; Middle-class
Annat; Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

Quite a lot of shit has been happening lately,'tis why I haven't really been in the mood to write anything here.

So,where to start?

I guess I'll start with what happened two weeks ago,which is the worse of all of this,well tomorrow it will be two weeks. Anywho,I get to school and Brit wasn't there. I just figured she was late or something but I never did see her all day. I get to Mrs.G's room(I spend my lunch up there) and she tells me that Brit and her mom came in saying she was being withdrawn from school. I didn't even get to say good bye to her. I almost broke down the rest of the day,then I did when I was on the way to the library with my mom because she knew something was wrong and wanted to know about it. I did find out why she was taken out of school the next day though. Some shit happened with her and her mom's boyfriend and no one believed her so she got kicked out because they said she was ruining the famliy and everything. Her mom's boyfriend really needs to have a fucking 'accident'! Now she's living in Indy with her g-ma. That's like 40 fucking miles away from this hick town! I don't know when I'll ever get to see her. She did tell me that it seemed as if I was pissed off at her(funny, she could tell that over instant messaging but not when I've been around her),so I told her that I was because she didn't seem that damn upset about leaving her friends since she still got to see Caleb like everyfucking day! She said she was upset and everything and that she broke down for like two hours because she had to leave me here. Now she's bitching about this kid who really likes her(he even said that he loves her),he's all pissed off because she's back with Caleb.I think we all are actually. Caleb is a fucking prick for what he did to her and I swear if I ever see him I might just have to beat the shit out of him. Jeez,it must be horrible to have guys all over you! Grrr...I don't know what to do now! She's my best friend and I don't have her around anymore,except over instant messaging which just sucks. We'll never get to do anything because she'll more than likely give up her plans to do something with Caleb of course.

Okay,done with that I think. Another thing that has happened is that my brother got narced on for smoking pot. And it was by Shane,the kid he thought was suuuuch a great friend! I've always hated that kid so fucking much. He's always been a smartass prick. I really started hating him when he decided to flip boogers on me one time when he was sitting behind me on the bus. The reason why he narced on my brother was because a girl told on them for smoking pot last Friday morning. But the girl never would have said anything if Shane wouldn't have pulled his dick out in front of her. My brother said he does it all the time too,there's your future rapist for you.I hope he gets it chopped off one of these days,that'll teach him,I think. He also showed her the weed too. He told on a lot of his friends just so he wouldn't get into so much trouble for it! Who the hell does that? I would never ever do that to my friends. Now my brother is suspended for 10 days then he has to have a trial to see if he will be expelled for the rest of the year. This is really fucking up our family,and he's being a real asshole to everyone. And I'm stuck in the freaking middle of all of it! I really don't have anywhere to go to get away from it either unless I go down to my grandparent's house. Shane had better watch his back when he comes back next year because there are many people who want to kill him now.

And then there's Jacob. I just...don't know what to do about him. I don't know whether to talk to him about how I really like him again or not. That could just majourly ruin things. Does he think I just stopped likeing him or something???Because I sure don't act like I've stopped! But I think he really likes this one girl,so I really don't think I have a chance now. Jeez,I've got to stop likeing people I'll never ever have a chance with.

I think I'm getting a cold. Grrrrr...hate colds. Luckily we only have school for three days this week so I won't have to suffer too much with one.

In better news I finally got the book 'Running with Scissors'! I gave up on the library ever having it so I just bought it. And I didn't have to pay the $14.00 for it,they had a different one for $7.99.Thankfully.

And how awesome has this season of The Office been so far?!?! Absolutely loving it! It's kind of going back to the greatness that season 2 was. Jim and Pam being together is just amazingnesstisity! They are adorable.

Well,that is all my people! Hope you all had a lovely weekend!

love,
me

 I just...I don't quite know what to do. I feel like my chest is caving in from me keeping everything locked up inside of me for so damn long. I could just break down any time. There's going to be that one thing that just pushes the wrong damn button and I'm going to go just like that. One thing that hasn't helped lately is me getting my hopes up why too far. I thought Brittney was actually going to start being the friend she used to be,before all of this drama shit. I got to spend the weekend at her house,she'd been having some tuff times after what happened with her and her boyfriend(Caleb). I actually thought she wouldn't go back with him,it was just terrible what he did. Then some kid who was a friend of Caleb's gave her Caleb's new number so that they could talk. Well, they talked,and they talked. Now their back together! What the fuck! I'm so not feeling sorry for her the next time he fucks everything up and hurts her. I really don't know of any advice to give her anyways because I've never actually had a damn relationship(and probably never will). I freaking give up. Now she is spending all of her damn time with him,she never even takes a few minutes to call me anymore. Why the hell do I think people can actually change? I guess I'm just that damn gulible(sp?) aren't I? I thought she was going to be that person I could talk to about bad shit in my life again. She's changing already. She's becoming stuck up Caleb's ass once again. Yet when she asks if it seems like she picks him over her friends I always tell her no because I'm not the sort of person to just tell the truth,to say that it is hurting me that everyone has someone else, while I have to hang on to everyone and everything I can find for fear of being left behind. Which eventually I know I will be.Everyone else has a future,I'm just going to be stuck in this damn town that I hate with the damn people I hate. Maybe there is someone out there for me, but if I never get out of here,I'll never know. And I'm so afraid that this is all I'll ever have,that it won't get better...

Sorry for all of the ramblingness, it's just when you have absolutely no one to talk to you have to take what you've got. And right now,this is all I have. I fear that if I don't at least write down what I feel in this so that a bit of it is out,something bad is going to happen...and it won't be a pretty picture.

love,
me

I am so damn sick of this town and these people in this town. And yet,I never see myself getting out of here either. I have no plans for the future,absolutely no idea of what I want to do after I graduate,which is only 7 months away. My favorite teacher made me realize that today. She asked me what I was planning to do after I got out of school and I told her I had no idea. She then told me that if I want to get out of this town I need to go to college. So basically,I'm going to be stuck here for the rest of my damned life because I really don't want to go to college,we sure as hell don't have the money for it and I really don't think I have the nerves to go through more schooling.

I just realized that I really need new friends today. Well,I kind of figured that I needed new ones a long time ago but it just finally hit me today(I mean,don't get me wrong,I love them to death but they just get under my skin!). They've all got their boyfriends and other friends. And two of them are feuding with each other and once again like always I'm stuck in the damn middle of it giving their notes to each other and listening to them bitch about the other! Gah! They've been friends for forever and their letting this shit get in the way of their friendship! I have to take each of their sides so that I'm not bitched at and hated when really I just want to tell them to stop with the fighting,sit down and talk the shit over because I'm sick of being the 'go to and bitch person'. Not one of them wants to bother listening to things that are on my mind and that really fucking hurts. I have a lot of things bothering me and yet do they care? NOOO!!! They've got to keep making drama for themselves!

And just for once I would like it if a boy actually liked me. I'm sick of seeing my friends have guys crawling all over them and once again I have absofuckingloutely NO ONE! I haven't had a boyfriend since last summer and that was a stupid silly mistake because I was upset over Jared(who I never did or will have).Jeez sometimes I wish he was really dieing instead of it just being a stupid mistake his doctors made. I know terrible thing to say but jeez fucking louise! And Jacob! You boy,are so friggin oblivious to the way I act in 2nd period! Can you not see how every time you turn around I'm staring at you and how I light up when you actually talk to me? (And no, I'm not stupid enough to bring pot to school and if I was, I wouldn't share it with you,asshole. So please don't ask me again.Even if that would mean that you are talking to me.) No,it is absolutely not cool us just being friends,because how can you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them all you think about is how much more you really want them? 

Why can't I just tell people what I think about them and life in general? I guess that's what suicide notes are for right?

love,
me